Thursday, June 11, 2015

My ex-boyfriend, Mormonism

A metaphor that perfectly describes my relationships with the church:

So, for me, the church is like an old boyfriend that I just couldn't quit. We had a long and wonderful relationship, and we really, really loved each other. This boyfriend is a huge part of who I am. But at a certain point, I realized that we just weren't right for each other, so we broke up. But I missed him terribly. My heart was still tied to him. So I went back and forth, trying to make it work, always realizing that I had changed too much and we just weren't a good fit anymore. When I saw my friends posting pictures of their kids' baptisms or their hangouts at the General Women's meeting, I felt kind of like how you feel when you see your old boyfriend with a new girl, and she looks so happy with him. It made me wonder if I had made a mistake or given up too soon. Maybe he was great and I just didn't realize it? It made me want to give it another try.

But last summer, when I had the emotional break I've described here, it was like I finally quit him. I finally, really severed my heart from his. Now, when I see him with other girls, I just see him for the jerk he is (sorry). I don't want him. I've found a new guy (agnosticism), and he treats me with respect, like his intellectual equal. I feel much more comfortable with this new guy in my kids' life.

The tricky part is that my old boyfriend is kind of always in my face because all my friends and family are Mormon. So they're always talking about it and posting about it, and it's like I finally got over this guy, we're both happy with new people...but he lives on my street! So I see him every day! I just won't ever get away from him, and that's okay.

For my husband, the church is also like an old girlfriend but a totally different kind. She was the girl who really, really liked him, everybody thought they should be together, but he wasn't really into her. But she was super persistent, and it was kinda convenient (because their friends were all dating each other), so he just kind of went along with the relationship. She was basically just a convenient make-out, and dating her made it easier to be with his friends.

But when he moved away, he finally felt like he could break up with her. And he never looks back, he doesn't even think about her, because he never really cared about her in the first place. She was a relationship of convenience.

So, for him, he just doesn't want anything to do with the church at all. And I'm just way, way over it, too. No more Mormonism for me. And I'm just so much happier this way.

3 comments:

  1. "I felt kind of like how you feel when you see your old boyfriend with a new girl, and she looks so happy with him. It made me wonder if I had made a mistake or given up too soon. Maybe he was great and I just didn't realize it? It made me want to give it another try." I'm kinda feeling this right now. I know I'm just lonely, and the church makes being not alone so easy for a girl in a new town, but part of me aches to bring my new self back into the fold and share all the goodness I've learned these past couple years.

    But I totally feel you on all those other things too. I know that I can attend without getting offended and I can bring my offering to worship and *hopefully* leave my tiny corner of mormonism better than I found it. But....but.

    Always appreciate your posts. I wish we were friends IRL.

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  2. I read your story and this blog , I felt the same way as you. I served a mission I did everything you did and really feel about the church the way you do. Community is the issue here. I went to Unity Church, which as non sectarian denomination. Even agnostics go there for community because it is an important part of life. The LDS church does superb job at community. We are used to that and we feel we need it. But the fact is that their(LDS) fiction is not different than any other religious fiction.
    What brought me peace is to realize that God is not person. Is not Zeus , Jupiter or Horus, or Wotan, sitting on throne somewhere, it is simply not. No evidence no nothing. At best he is a metaphor at worse its an unexplainable force much like the universe. When you realize that God is not an anthropomorphic being the easier it will be for you to accept spirituality...or not . It's hard to impose anything on anyone when it comes to religious customs. These I see when I read your blog is that you have a constant struggle and is like you are stabbing yourself in the heart every time you keep going to church experience other customs learn from others...or not is really your choice . Regardless it was refreshing to see that there are other people like me that found themselves outside of LDS gospel answers.

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    ReplyDelete